As a kind of continuation from my last blog post, I want to talk a bit more about how the depressive episode I had recently affects my relationships. With my friends, things are better than they have ever been. I have learned to be completely open with them because I fully intend to keep my support group. I made many new friends recently, all of whom have been through something similar to me. If I need them, I know that all I have to do is shoot them a text, and they will be there to listen to whatever is bothering me. And of course I am that way for them as well. Recently, I have reached out to all of my friends to check in on them. I must say that, in this regard, I am very grateful.
My relationship with my family members is interesting to say the least. Don’t get me wrong, they love me and they support me, but they don’t fully understand what I went through. And at times I feel like they worry about me a bit too much. Really, I just wish that they would open their minds a little bit more to the importance of mental health. They call me and text me often to make sure that I am okay, and I am glad. I don’t know what I’d do without them.
Finally we have my romantic relationship with my current boyfriend. We both know my history of mental health issues. He knows I suffer from chronic major depression and anxiety. I have OCD on top of that, so sometimes I can be a little hard to cope with. So… I find myself worrying about my boyfriend reaching his limit. Twice this has happened to me now, and I am always aware of how insufferable I am being sometimes. And every time I get upset at him, I also get upset at myself. Because I know that I am being unreasonable, but I can’t help but worry about what is making me upset.
I have trust issues now with my significant other. I am not sure all the time how much I can actually tell him. I was told by my ex that everything that I told him was hurting him too.
I completely understand that. I KNOW how screwed up I sounded. I KNEW I was overwhelming him, but at that lowest point in my life, I didn’t know what else to do. I trusted him with everything, every detail of my life, everything that had caused my depression and anxiety….
I know I made mistakes though. I know I should have sought professional help, and I know that one person can only take so much. Which is why, now, I worry that my current boyfriend will leave too. I worry that the problems I have will begin to weigh down on him, and he will have nothing more to do with me. It makes me sad to think that this might happen for a third time, and it’s not the best thing in the world to experience.
I have, however, voiced these concerns to him. Every time we get into an argument about something stupid, I explain that there is a lot more to me being upset than just whatever silly thing upset me in the first place. The only thing I try to do now is hope for the best. I try to remain positive, and I try to be as open with him as possible. He is great because he is so patient with me when I have a “fit” (I call it that myself, guys, don’t worry!).