As I have made apparent on this blog, I went through one of the roughest times in my life about a year ago. On this day one full year ago, I was hospitalized for anxiety, panic attacks, and major depression. And while I still think about that time every single day, I felt that this would be a perfect time to reflect on the progress I have made so far.
A year ago today, I was crying in a bed because I was so paralyzed with fear and depression that I couldn’t go to my classes, I had actually called in to work for the first time in three years, and I didn’t know what to do about any of it. Today, I have a group of friends that I can turn to if I am feeling overwhelmed. One of my best friends actually lives in the same complex as me, and we spend a lot of time together, especially on days when we would rather do anything else. I was lucky to meet her at the hospital, as now we can be sure to support each other in our journey.
A year ago today, I was dumping all of my problems on one person, and when that became too much, I started dumping all of my problems on my parents. I was yelled at, I was misunderstood, and I was trying everything to keep myself from doing something drastic. Today, I have parents who understand my mental state and understand that mental illness is real. I have such improved coping skills and can now deal with stress much better than before.
I have talked a bit about my relationship with my current boyfriend, and I am still excited for the future with him. We are going on our one-year anniversary. We are planning trips together, and we are living comfortably with a dog and a cat. AND we are looking to move into a bigger apartment that has way more amenities than our current complex.
It is honestly so exciting looking towards what the future holds for me. I imagine that I will be able to accomplish many of my life goals in the coming years. This past year has taught me a lot about myself, but I think that this most important thing I have learned is that I am strong. I actually remember, when all of this first started, I told my mom that I wish I could be strong like her. I cried to her about how I wasn’t strong and I couldn’t cope with what life was throwing at me. Now I know that I was wrong. I was selling myself short, and it wasn’t fair to me.
I now feel comfortable talking about these things with people. I understand when to stop talking about these things with people. It is so much easier to use my experiences to help my nephews, who are starting to show signs of depression. I now feel strong enough to be able to help them through their struggles and am currently figuring out how to talk to them about these things without putting too much pressure on them.
Yeah, this past year has definitely taught me a great many things. I have been able to do so many things this year, and have gained so much in terms of mental health.